So, recently, an on-off ex of mine came back into my life. Or, well, attempted to. Admittedly, they got pretty far. Admittedly, I’m not the best at dissuading these situations. There’s a reason they’re an “off-on” ex.
Thank god, my heart came to the rescue.
People always talk about the heart being foolish and uncoordinated and too hopeful and all these things. In my case, it’s the opposite. My mind often makes the most mistakes, while my heart has instincts that most people would say is a “gut-feeling.” The two clash quite often but I’ve learned to listen to my heart more recently in the past year because it’s right more often than not.
My mind is a dreamer, a go-getter, and very, very improvisatory, and there’s nothing wrong with that, but my heart has to reel it back in from time to time. Unfortunately sometimes it catches my mind a little too late (like that time I bolted across the street immediately after my friend told me not to do it because a car was coming) but it does it’s best. I’ve learned to tell the difference between my “heart-decisions” and my “mind-decisions.” My heart-decisions are the ones that I’ve been pining after for as long as I can remember, and will benefit/stick with me in the future/give me reprieve from something that’s been ailing me. (Usually a nagging thought or action I’ve been wanting to take.) My mind-decisions are ones that friends will sometimes influence and decisions I don’t even realize I’ve decided until it’s either too late or until my heart catches it.
“Example of heart vs mind scenario: My heart convinces me that I won’t spend any money while out with my friends, but my mind grabs my wallet anyways “just in case.” Flash forward an hour later and my mind has convinced me to buy a bubble tea, frozen yogurt, and a watch I’ll never wear. My heart is like,”Mind what the fuck I was taking a nap,” and my mind is like,”Fuck you Heart I do what I want.” Rinse and repeat for eternity.”
It’s a very strange but somewhat understandable cycle. Also very frustrating at times.
So, in this case, my mind was entertaining the idea of us getting back together (because we were getting along and acting a bit flirty with each other. Then, just in the nick of it, my heart steps in and it’s like, “Hold the fuck up. We got a problem here.”
My mind’s all, “The heck? There’s no problem here, we’re doing fantastic.”
“That’s always how it is at the beginning. They’re doing fantastic then Lovebird over there gets all pushy pushy and you back out of it.”
“I do not. What makes you think that?”
My heart, rolling it’s eyes as it starts counting off the amount of times we’ve broken up on it’s hypothetical fingers.
“Fine, do what you want.”
And my heart did what it wanted. It made sure we didn’t end up together like so many times before, when I was young and stupid and didn’t understand the meaning of “uncomfortable” nor could actually process anything that went on because my brain had shut down for the winter. I almost feel bad for the person, but it’s not my fault they keep falling for my charming personality. *cue sparkles in eyes*
If I’m being honest, though, it’s because they look at it like a game, like I’m a prize to be won, and I’m not. But that’s a lesson for another time on relationships and how disasterly messy they can be if you’re desperate like I was years ago. I’m just glad my heart pulled me out of that before I got myself into another sticky situation.
Until next time.
Also yes this is late shush